Reader Commentary about Dying into Grace

"Artemis March knows what she is talking about. After all, she is named for the Greek Goddess of light and protector of the vulnerable. We have all needed a book that casts light—a new light—onto the subject of end-of-life care; and now we have it. I think the author's namesake would be proud."
—Bill Thomas, MD; Professor, Erickson School, UMBC; author, What are Old People For? creator of Eden Alternative and Green Houses as part of changing aging in America

“An extraordinarily valuable book. I wish I had had it. I wish [my mother’s caregiver]
had had it. I wish the nurses at the hospital had had it.”
—Gail Bryan, artist and writer

“Through the immediacy of a riveting story and models she draws from it,
Artemis March has captured the complex essence of family caregiving. A wealth
of clinical and psychological insight arises seamlessly from a story that reads like
a novel, yet challenges professionals and families to bring themselves fully to the
moment, and with greater awareness of how they contribute to situations they
see as independent of themselves. Profound yet practical, this book is essential
for anyone involved with end-of-life care.”
—Sandra Bertman, PhD; distinguished professor, National Center for Death Education, Mount Ida College; editor, Grief and the Healing Arts; author, Facing Death; pioneer in death education for healthcare professionals

“I have never read a book that was so poignant, deep, nuanced, and able to hold
so many dimensions: the historical and the present, the individual and the system,
the practical and the spiritual, the tough and the tender, the ordinary and
the extraordinary. The story is deceptively simple yet so powerful—it took my
breath away . . . Dying into Grace invites us into a profound journey that gives us
a relational model for dying well.”
—Lynn Roberson, psychotherapist and Reiki master

“Artemis March has a special gift. She is able to tell a very personal and intimate
story, that of a daughter accompanying a parent during the last phases of life into
death, in a way that is like being engaged in a conversation with a sage. She is a
source of incredible understanding for a phase of life we all experience. Dr. March
invites us to a table where we can have a real conversation about death and dying.
She gives us the words and a framework to navigate a territory from which we have
been isolated and about which we have been silenced, yet yearn to speak . . .
This book is simply extraordinary. If healthcare professionals understood and
applied her insights and wisdom, it would be a huge step towards achieving a
healthcare system that is truly patient-centered.”
—Anne-Marie Audet, MD, MSc; FACP; senior vice-president for quality improvement,
New York City Public Hospital System

“I couldn’t put this book down. It is so primal and personal. If I had had it before
my mother died, it would have helped me. It captures everything I went through
and couldn’t articulate because it was below the surface. What a great gift to our
generation! Artemis March is exploring death at so many levels. She is showing
us how the dying person can be an active participant in their own process, and
helping us find ways to engage more spiritually with our dying parents so that
we can help them to die well.”
—Dr. Eurydice Hirsey, chiropractor and cranial-sacral therapist

“Artemis March asks and answers an essential question: how can we enhance the
possibilities for mutual growth and healing as a parent moves closer to death?
Her book shows us that the mother-daughter relationship can be transformed
even at the very end of life, affirming the possibility for transformational movement
throughout the lifespan. This book will help to empower caregivers in a culture that
too often denies and avoids the process of dying. And it will be useful to therapists
who are working with clients who are engaged in this process.”
—Judith V. Jordan, PhD, Director, Jean Baker Miller Training Institute,Wellesley College; editor, Women's Growth in Connection, The Complexity of Connection; co-creator/developer of Relational Psychology

“Artemis March is inviting us into a new paradigm—death as a dance with our
dying parent in which we must follow, yet anticipate how she will lead. We must
listen with our whole body, beyond and through the words, and be willing to
move with whatever is happening . . . She shows us how to notice and capture
and string on a necklace many tiny treasures that may otherwise seem small and
mundane and not part of the sacred, but it is all those little contributions from
many people that allows dying to become a dance, and freed Olwen to open
spiritually. I would love for this book to be read by my family and loved ones,
with the hope that someday, when my time comes, they might ‘dance’ with me.”
—Lindsa Vallee, psychotherapist

By embracing death rather than denying it, mother and daughter are
able to have the kind of profound conversations and connections that
so many adult children miss out on, and later regret that they did.
My passion for this book is the result of personal experience with my
own parents as well as my interactions with countless families I encounter
in my business. Dying into Grace draws us in by its openness and honesty,
and the fact that it does not gloss over the complexity and range of needs and emotions that arise as a parent moves toward death. The story models
a much needed collaborative partnership between adult child, hospice, and
private caregivers where everyone's contributions are recognized and valued.
I know this book will empower families and my staff to have those very difficult conversations that need to happen about death and dying.
—Andrea Cohen, MSW; CEO, HouseWorks, a private home care company dedicated to helping seniors remain at home, Boston and Washington, D.C; Board of Directors, the MA Home Care Alliance and the National Family Caregivers' Association; Leadership Council, Kenneth B. Schwartz Center; delegate, 2005 White House Conference on Aging.

“This book is riveting. I could not put it down. Never sweet or sentimental, it renders
with such care and compassion the author’s dying mother. Artemis March has
managed to recede her own brilliance so as not to outshine the fading light of her
mother. Hardly anyone pays close attention to such a small light, but the reader gradually discovers the essence of an elegant and earnest soul trying to master the terrifying and bewildering process of dying. Olwen carries into her dying her great
sense of responsibility, of following through, of doing things the right way so
that she can leave her body with the dignity that befits her inner being.”
— Linda J. Clarke, EdD, author, On a Planet Sailing West

"I really like this book. It works! Writing next to the bone, March draws us way into her journey with her mother. We don't know what is going to happen next, but she brings us along so that we are ready for the unexpected and the extraordinary. Olwen is very real, and we get to know her. We experience her dying as a dance—an unfolding tapestry of dances informed by long exchanges of powerful intimacy. Fear, uncertainty, and struggle ultimately dissolve in the flow of presence, discovery, and knowing. The primordial mother-daughter world recovered and understood at last."
—Kate Millett, PhD; writer and artist; author, Sexual Politics; Mother Millett; and other books

"Dying into Grace is extremely rich. It shows how the intimacy of the dying process holds the potential to heal the deepest wounds of a lifetime, and how we adult children can create the kind of holding environment in which those possibilities may come to fruition. Like a gifted psychologist who listens for underlying coherence and meaning, Artemis "listens through" unconventional speech, apparent randomness, and surface confusion to hear, meet, and fully engage with her mother's struggle for meaning and her graced reclaiming of her truest self. She provided a compassionate guide for my journey through this awesome, unknown territory with my own mother. What a gift Artemis has given us!"
—Sharon Bauer, psychotherapist

"Facing the death of a loved one while at the same time struggling to heal old wounds
and create deeper connections is no easy task, but the remarkable insights and
reflections in this book offer invaluable guidance to all of us. Artemis March transports
us to the heart of the mother-daughter relationship while showing us what is possible
at its far edge and how to midwife that potential. Her beautiful and instructive dance
with her mother also challenges us to transform the systems that relegate so many
women to a lonely, unheld, unwitnessed death. "
—Judy Norsigian, Executive Director, Our Bodies Ourselves; co-author (all editions), Our Bodies, Ourselves

"To say Dying into Grace is a "useful" book would be a grand understatement.
This beautifully written narrative is a true tour de force that leaves me in awe.
I dearly hope I will rise to the occasion with the bravery and deeply-felt intuition
that Artemis found in her heart. All adult children who read this compelling book
will draw inspiration that they, too, can do right by their parents, no matter how
complicated the relationship. And, health care and hospice professionals—
many drained by "compassion fatigue"—will find that Artemis March has provided
a primer for remembering what is most essential and enduring in end-of-life care,
while showing us why how they do what they do truly matters."
—Helen Meldrum, EdD, Associate Professor of Psychology, Bentley College;
author of Provider-Patient Partnerships; principal partner, Communication Counseling Associates

"Artemis March has an embodied gift that our death-denying, self-destructing
world desperately needs. An evening listening to her talk about her book left
me feeling inspired and affirmed, and as if I had been on a weekend retreat.
Research situates her telling of her story, but her story is so much more
authentic and compelling than some researcher's sharing their measurable results.
It has a unique perspective because it is coming from her heart and the deepest
part of her soul. She connected directly with the motivating force propelling my work:
that through loving, empathic, mostly nonverbal presence, I will be able to help my
patients come to a point of graced acceptance so that they, too, can experience
the radiance that Artemis and her mother shared."
—Fay Chelmow, RN, Hospice of the Good Shepherd, Newton, MA